Happy Birthday Tyler



Trying to climb out of this big black hole….

So…for whatever reason, I have been unable to get back to “myself” over the past couple weeks.  It started with getting the third negative, but, it has now projected into so many aspects that I have had a hard time having hope.  I have questioned so much about my life, questioned the sincerity of those I consider close, questioned my worth…  and on & on.

It hit me this past weekend–not trying will definately not result in this ending with my being pregnant.  Maybe it isn’t even sadness, because I haven’t actually cried or “despaired” so to speak… just maybe a numbness and questioning everyone and everything.

So… I called my GYN to request an appointment, and plan to ask for her help with fertility medications, however, the first available is March 1st which is after my next cycle and I was really hoping to start something this time.  I have an available time to have the HSG for next month so I am going to take that appt, and in the meantime I was told to call for cancellations to my GYN.  My hope is that if I keep pretending that everything will be ok, maybe I will start to feel like it might be.

Another Negative (BFN)

SO…. Yet again, I get a negative.  The last insemination did not work.  I am pretty crushed this time.  The third time is definately not a charm.  I don’t know what it is about this month that has me so absolutely devastated but I feel as though my soul has been squeezed dry!  So- somewhere between that and numb is where I am at.