Older still…………

Another year.  I have been more bothered this year by being a year older than previous years.  It’s always hard-no doubt- but… I think TTC makes me so much more aware.  In looking at infertility procedures, every single thing comes with age attached statistics.  For example, I would likely not be eligible for the “warranty Programs for IVF.  Then, looking at the Clinical Trials, not that I would be accepted anyway, but… there is something to be said about not being eligible b/c of age.  Most of them want you under 39, which as of Sunday I now am not. 😦

 

Now, at this age I think- realistically- what if I don’t get pregnant this year- , then I am looking at 40.  Statistically it scares the shit out of me.  I think looking at statistics is not a wise move.  Granted, yes, I believe a person should be informed, to be able to make decisions that are based on facts.  However, the statistics are so grim, and you add that to how everything has to be the perfect time and work exactly right to end up pregnant- I don’t know how anyone has ever gotten pregnant!! 

I don’t feel 39.  And, I am trying to not let it bring me down…. b/c- it’s not as though on July 1st my fertility declined by a certain percentage. (At least I sure as hell hope not  ). 

 

I can’t change how many years I have been on this earth.  I can’t change (at least not at this moment) that I am single, and that if I wait for Mr. Right, or even Mr. “he will have to do” that I will have waited too long to have a child.  I can’t change that everyone around me is getting pregnant.

What I can change is getting in good shape, making conscious choices on things I eat, and drink.  Try and control my stress level, which sounds impossible- like- ha ha- that’s a good joke…. But- find healthy outlets rather than just sit and focus on that instead of what I can fix. 

This is all easier said than done, I am no fool- I know it is going to be hard.  But- it is my “FU** I’m 39 now pep talk!