More Testing while I wait for IUI 2

So… HSG attempt 2 is scheduled for Friday.  My own GYN is doing it this time though and promised to do all she could NOT to use that damed tenaculum/clamp/torture thing….  I am still really afraid though, b/c it was the worst thing I ever experienced, and worse even inconclusive (see previous posts for info).  We are then re-doing all day 3 labs, and I will be asking for an antral follicle count, whcih is something I have not yet ever had.  And, than, I have heard others talking about a Natural Killer……. (can’t remember the last word of this) but it is something that can make pregnancy impossible or hard). 

I really still feel barren and hopeless, however, I FINALLY have had some moments where my thoughts were hopeful, so I hope that continues so I can regain my hope, b/c really- I haven’t been doing anything to prepare b/c I had all but given up.  I know everyone is sick of my whiney, poor poor me bullshit. 

Add to that, 2 coworkers returned from maternity leave in the last week., and my boss, who is also my friend, is pregnant, she and I had our cycles 2 days apart, her- natural with her husband, me medicated IUI and she is pregnant.  I am so happy for her, but- I feel like- just say I get my miracle and get pregnant- who in the hell will care, everyone will already be mom’s, grandparents, and have had close friends they watched go through it- so being single- it will be even harder to not have anyone who is excited for me, but me. 

Ok, enough whining for today, gotta get back to work.

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