How Did I Get Here

My earliest memory of wanting to be a mom comes from the age of about 5 or so….  I specifically remember the conversation.  I was saying goodnight to my parents as they were putting me to bed and I was telling them that when I am a mom my kids can stay up as late as they want.  I continued on and told them I wanted “12”, count ‘em 12 kids.  My dad asked me, well, where would they all sleep?  And I told him with all the bravado a 5 year old has and said “duhhh… some can sleep in the bedrooms and when they run out of room the rest can go in the bathtub!”

I just always expected that I would grow up to be a mom.  Yet, somehow I find myself now at 38, also referred to as “advanced maternal age”, without a husband or even boyfriend, and, not yet a mom.  Of course I want the boyfriend/husband.  I am not even looking for Mr. Perfect, I will accept, Mr. I have a job and a place to live and am a decent person! But, I can’t wait to have that to be a mom.  The clock isn’t just ticking; the alarm has started going off.

In the back of my mind- my “plan b” has been, well, when I get to the age that is the “either have a child now or you’ve missed the window” I will use a sperm donor and be inseminated.  Didn’t think about the actual steps and costs involved, I just assumed it would work out, and everyone kept telling me how much time I have.  It’s unfortunate that fertility does not have a “definitive” timeframe.  You just don’t know when you reach that “to late” point.


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